Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
