I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sex in a hospital.. check
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
try to milk me bitch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
