We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
