dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
