Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
