so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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