apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
