Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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