I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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