ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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