I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
