I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
