I hate your face
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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