I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
MIDGETS
????
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
