mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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