My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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