If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize