So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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