dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
BRING THE BAGELS
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
