Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
