so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
