So drunk, too bad you don't want this
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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