I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
