i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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