I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
