My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize