So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
