theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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