go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
