I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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