i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
