I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
