..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
