When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize