Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
