Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
