I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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