I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
