Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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