I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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