I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
