Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
