who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
