just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
