i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize