I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
