No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
