i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
