Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
