1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
