What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize