You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm too high and old for this...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
