Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
