Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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