i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
