Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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