A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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