Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
