I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
