This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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