Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
