"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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