I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
