Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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