i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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