I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
