You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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