She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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