Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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