You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize