Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
