so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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