just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
