I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize