I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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